


The Nightmare's End

by Captain_Kieren



Series: Episode-based Au's [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Reveal, Mild Angst, ambiguous ending, episode tag: the nightmare begins, gaius means well, leisa sucks at endings, mergana if you squint, uses dialogue from the episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-02
Packaged: 2018-03-16 00:31:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3467732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Captain_Kieren/pseuds/Captain_Kieren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU to 'The Nightmare Begins'</p><p>"All these beliefs about magic, Merlin, they're not all for my sake are they?"<br/>"We're more alike than we seem, Morgana.  I didn't choose it either, it chose me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Nightmare's End

**The Nightmare's End**

_"It was magic, you know it was. But more importantly, so does she." Merlin says firmly, blatantly challenging his mentor's denials._

  
_"Morgana knows nothing for certain." Gaius mutters in response from where he's working at his bench._

  
_"Which makes it even worse! She isn't sure what's happening to her and it's tearing her apart!"_

  
_"What would you have me do?" The physician demands, finally putting his work down and turning to face Merlin, who hesitates for a moment, obviously choosing his words wisely._

  
_"...talk to her. Tell her she'll be okay. Tell her that her powers aren't something to be afraid of!" He insists, practically pleading the old man as he rises from his seat at the wooden table._

  
_But Gaius's only response is a stiff, "I can't." Before he turns his back again, leaving Merlin to frown and go silent for a moment, blue eyes flickering thoughtfully to the side._

_"...maybe I could speak to her." He offers quietly._

  
_Hearing his proposal, Gaius immediately straightens from his hunched position and whirls to face his ward. "No, Merlin, you can't." He says sternly._

  
_"Why not?" Merlin challenges. "I understand what she's going through!"_

  
_"You must never reveal your secret. Not to anyone!"_

  
_"Fine, if not me, then someone else!" The younger man suggests._

  
_"Who?" Gaius demands. "This is a kingdom where magic is outlawed or have you forgotten that?"_

  
_But as always, Merlin is undeterred. He leans in and in a hushed voice reminds his guardian, "There are those who still practice it. What about the Druids? You said they help people like this."_

  
_"Uther's out to destroy them." The physician admonishes. "The Druids cannot help her, it would be suicide."_

  
_"Then who can?!" Merlin urges, a bit desperately. For a moment, his young eyes look hopeful when Gaius straightens confidently._

  
_"...I will." He says. " As I've always done."_

  
_Nodding his head, Merlin trails Gaius back to his bench, voice low and urgent. "Then you need to be honest with her!"_

  
_But finally, Gaius has had enough of this discussion. However, his voice is much harsher than intended when he snaps, "What makes you so certain that you know better than me?!"_

  
_"Because I went through the same thing!" Merlin hisses without missing a beat, the connection between his desperation to help Morgana and those words suddenly becoming clear. But he still doesn't give up. "I know exactly how she's feeling right now." He admits, firmly but the sadness still comes through and Gaius can only shake his head._

  
_"You cannot get involved in this. No good can come of it." He says. " I mean it, Merlin. Stay out of it."_

* * *

  
And so Merlin had silently relented, deciding to trust his mentor's guidance and stay out of Morgana's problems. No matter how wrong it feels or how much he could help her if only he were allowed to.

  
But that argument had been hours ago and Gaius has left to deliver Uther's daily medicine. So with Arthur contently in bed and his duties over for today, Merlin is alone in the physician's quarters, just starting to blow out the various candles scattered about the room before heading off to bed when he hears the old, wooden door being hastily thrown open. Looking up, his throat clogs with a nervous lump at the sight of Morgana, all teary-eyed with frazzled hair, rushing inside.

  
"Is Gaius here?" She asks, her soft voice marred with fear.

  
"Uhh...no, he's not here at the moment...should be back soon though." He replies, trying to sound casual, like he doesn't notice the sheen of panic and desperation on her face.

 

"Well I need to speak to him!" She insists, her quick steps finally coming to a stop about a foot in front of him, effectively making it impossible for Merlin to ignore the way she's obviously seconds away from crying. "Where is he?"

  
"He's gone to see the king." Merlin tells her, fighting to keep his composure even though he, himself, feels more than a little desperate right now. And he only feels worse when Morgana doesn't say anything else, only stares at him with her glassy green eyes, as if trying to puzzle him out.  "What's wrong?" He asks her innocently, feigning ignorance.

  
Something in Morgana's eyes breaks then and she opens her mouth, lips quivering, only to close it again and turn away, her brow, her eyes, her lips all flickering in thought and fear as she stares at the floor.

  
And before he really even knows he's saying it, Merlin has said, "You can trust me, Morgana. You know you can." And despite how angry Gaius would be at him for even encouraging her this much, Merlin can't bring himself to regret it when his friend turns to him again, her breaths jumping in her chest with the threat of breaking down into tears.

  
For a second, Morgana only stares at him. Then her expression turns resolute and she shakes her head, still hesitating as she licks her lips and shifts her weight. "I'm scared, Merlin." She admits softly, and the way she says it, he can't help but remember his younger, smaller, more terrified self living in Ealdor, surrounded by people and yet still all alone somehow.

  
"I don't understand anything anymore." She continues in a trembling voice. "I need to know what's happening. ... _please_."

  
"...Gaius will be back soon. He'll be able to help you--" Merlin attempts, wanting so badly to ignore the way his conscience is screaming at him, calling him a coward and commanding him to help her. But he shoves it away, wanting to believe that Gaius was right. That this is the safest way for her.

  
"He won't! I don't want anymore remedies because they won't do any good!" Morgana takes a few more steps closer and Merlin almost backs away but manages to hold himself still, his expression turning hard against the internal battle raging in his head and his heart.

  
The latter of which nearly breaks when Morgana lowers her already gentle voice and whispers, "It's magic, Merlin." in a voice so pleading and lonely it takes every ounce of his strength not to spill his secret right then and there.

  
Frazzled, all he can think to stammer out is, "W-what?"

  
"I'm your friend, you must know I wouldn't make this up!" She breathes, eyes still locked firmly with his, swirling with questions and pleas.

  
"Of course." He replies, nodding, still short on responses with the confusion of everything that's happening.

  
"Then you believe me?" She asks, voice gushing with hope, her trembling lips pulling weakly into a shaking smile. "You think it's magic too?" But the very next second, her smile dissolves and she lowers her head, voice wavering when she whispers, " _Please_ , Merlin, I just need to hear someone say it so I don't have to go on feeling like _I'm imagining it_!"  
Merlin's head nods absently as he studies her, chewing the inside of his lip and seeing the movement, Morgana looks relieved for a fraction of a second. As he opens his mouth, suddenly determined to quell her fears, Gaius's voice goes through his head.

  
_"You cannot get involved in this. No good can come of it. I mean it, Merlin. Stay out of it."_

  
So just like always, the truth he longs to say is replaced by a lie. "I really wish there was something I could say..." He whispers, instantly regretting it when his friend's face crumples again, her eyes filling with fresh, betrayed tears as she whirls around and rushes for the door.

  
"Morgana...!" He calls out, weakly. "Morgana, wait...!"

  
But she's already through the door, letting it fall shut behind her.

  
"Morgana...!" He repeats, his legs mechanically carrying him to the door and then out into the dimly lit hallway. Heart pounding, his hand catches her elbow before he has a chance to think about what he's doing.

  
Her angry escape thwarted, Morgana spins around to glare at him, her cheeks wet with fresh tears. But now, it's her turn to stare in puzzlement at the flurry of emotions going over his face. It's her turn to wait while he opens his mouth, closes it, bows his head, shifts his weight, drops her arm, hesitates, and then slowly seems to come to some kind of decision.

  
His voice is low, almost inaudible when he says, "Gaius asked me to stay quiet because he thinks denying you have magic is the safest thing for you. He was just trying to keep you safe, we both were..."

  
Morgana doesn't say anything but her expression is no longer angry, only curious, maybe even a little mystified.

  
"But...you're my friend, Morgana. I can't let you go on feeling that you're alone and that no one believes you."

  
Finally, she speaks. "So...do you believe me, Merlin?"

  
Looking up, he meets her eyes once again. "Yes. I believe you have magic, Morgana." He admits softly, not waiting for a reaction before adding, "And I don't believe that you're evil because you have magic. I think your powers can be used for good. It just depends on what you choose to do with them. And I also believe your gifts aren't something to be feared or rejected. They're a part of you." As soon as his little speech is finished, Merlin goes very still, heart thumping, looking incredibly guilty as he waits for her to reply.

  
And when she does, Morgana's voice is no longer trembling. Instead, she sounds suspicious and...hopeful. "All those beliefs about magic, Merlin," She begins quietly. "They're not all for my sake, are they?"

  
Slowly, even a little fearfully, he shakes his head and watches with a flinch at the realization that flashes in her eyes, as well as the way her mouth falls open and she reaches out to him, touching his arm in the silent question.

  
"We're more alike than we seem, Morgana. I didn't choose it either. It chose me." He breathes, carefully avoiding the word.

  
Hearing this, Morgana smiles and takes Merlin's hands in her own, bowing her head and smiling at the floor. "All this time..." She whispers and Merlin nods. "Does Arthur know?" She asks curiously.

  
"No! No, of course not." He assures her. "But...Gaius knows. And Lancelot."

  
"Lancelot?" Morgana echoes in confusion.

"I never told him. He figured it out on his own."

  
Nodding, the king's ward slowly releases Merlin's hands and lifts her chin to smile at him. "Thank you, Merlin. I don't know how long I could have gone on feeling so alone..."

  
"I understand." He tells her. And he does understand. He knows exactly how it feels to be one of a kind, surrounded by those who would hate him if they only knew what he really was.

  
"I'm sure you do." She says, sadly. "All this time, living in Camelot, working for the prince...it must have been scary."

  
Merlin chuckles and shakes his head. "It can be but for the most part, I'm too busy polishing Arthur's boots and washing his floors to be frightened."

  
And now Morgana laughs too, reaching up to wipe the wetness from her eyes. "I suppose that's true. He certainly keeps you busy. But..." For a moment, she trails off, obviously feeling a little bashful about her next question. "If you don't mind, I mean, when you're not so occupied...you wouldn't mind if we...talked about it? It would be good for both of us, I think."

  
Smirking gently, Merlin nods. "I'd like that." He tells her and the relief that washes over her face makes his heart go warm in his chest.

  
And with that, Morgana wishes him goodnight, telling him she thinks she'll be able to sleep easier now. And he watches her until she's disappeared back up the stairs, leaving him alone in the dimly lit corridor.

  
It's not until he's turning back toward his chambers that the true realization strikes him... He's just revealed his magic to Morgana. Morgana, _the king's ward_ , the woman who was _raised as Arthur's sister_ knows about his powers!

  
That night, Merlin doesn't sleep a wink. Even once Gaius returns from his visit with Uther and the young sorcerer can hear him shuffling about just outside his room--a sound which is usually comforting and reassuring--Merlin can't bring himself to sleep. His stomach is twisted in nauseous knots and his hands shake under his thin blanket. He knows Morgana wouldn't betray him but...it's still terrifying to know that the secret that he'd guarded his entire life, the secret holds his very survival in the balance is now entrusted to yet another person. Friend or not, it's disturbing and weighs heavily on his already encumbered soul.

  
But even as he lays there in the dark, fretting over the if's and when's and how's of his potential downfall...he can't bring himself to regret telling Morgana. Not when he can so clearly remember all those years ago when he wished someone--other than Will, who really wasn't much of a help--would talk to him about his powers. Assure him with some level of certainty that he wasn't just some freak or monster.

  
If somehow he's helped Morgana quell those fears, well, maybe the potential danger is worth it.

  
_On the other hand, maybe I haven't gained a new threat._

  
_Maybe I've gained an ally..._


End file.
